Advice to students from their professors

  1. If you plan on skipping class because you are “sick” you probably shouldn’t write a status update involving how you have a hangover. We don’t count hangovers as being sick. When you have class the next day we count them as stupid. Same goes for incriminating pics. Also, don’t come to campus intoxicated. If you aren’t responsible enough to come to class sober, then you are likely too irresponsible to be in college.
  2. If you want to skip class, I won’t stop you. You paid in advance $20+ for each lecture I give you. If you take out student loans to pay for classes you don’t attend and are a chronic absentee, you are likely doing poorly in class. You are literally paying money to flunk school. Save your money; don’t go to college if you won’t go to class.
  3. If you are having trouble in class, come see me. I don’t mind. In fact, the university requires I have at minimum number of hours to wait on you every week in my office. I’m not even doing you a favor, it’s a part of my job description. Keep me company and ask me questions. It is usually good for your grade. If your prof/TA won’t do this, talk to their boss.
  4. It takes me MUCH longer to grade F papers than A papers. If you’re failing because you aren’t trying, I’d prefer it if you just didn’t turn in anything. It will save us both a lot of time, and you a lot of money. Also, I WILL get pissed off if I can tell I spent more time grading your paper than you took to write it.
  5. Over half of freshmen flunk out. You will find yourself up a creek if you have to pay back loans and you have no degree. You will be eligible for the same jobs you had in high school but now have a considerable monthly payment. You are literally worse off than if you just stayed at the burger joint. If you aren’t sure you want to do college, check out programs at tech schools. You will get a job much sooner for much cheaper and you will likely make as much money as many 4 year degree holders.
  6. If something major and detrimental happens in your life, let me know. You don’t have to tell me details if you aren’t comfortable, but I’ll be in a better position to give you an incomplete for the term, let you make up an assignment, etc… I will bend my own rules for you. I’m allowed. They’re my rules. I bend them for students who need it.
  7. Listen to advice from people who know what they are talking about. If you have a 2.5 GPA and are pre-med, your advisor will tell you to have a solid plan B. Have one. They are telling you that because they know you stand a minuscule chance of getting into that program/job/etc…
  8. Make use of your campus facilities. Your tuition money goes to pay for things like tutoring centers, health clinics, gym facilities, concerts, and cultural centers. You don’t have to use all of them, but use some of them. You paid for it, and you may find them helpful or fun.
  9. Don’t talk about your professors to other students. Every single semester I get a very loyal student who rats out a classmate for talking about me. Loyal students who like professors get REALLY upset when they hear trash talk. I won’t grade you harder, but when you ask for a letter or recommendation, I will tell you no and you will have a very awkward conversation with me about your comments.
  10. As a grad student I took out $11K in student loans when interest rates were really low. My monthly payment was $85. Many of you will take out $40-200K for your bachelors education. Your payments every month will be higher than what you spend on your car, or even your apartment. To minimize costs, take as many classes a semester as you can while maintaining your grades. Don’t get below a C in class. Follow what your advisor says so you don’t end up taking classes you don’t need. Don’t transfer schools if you can help it, unless it will save you a lot of money (you almost always lose classes you took when transferring). Get tutoring if you need it. If you advisor sucks, get another one. Know the course catalog for your major so you aren’t relying on someone else to tell you what to take. Pay for as much of your tuition upfront as you can.

© Unknown college professor

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